it's the holy month again

Of problems, faith, and the inner self.

This post came up due to Syaza's inspiring comment at my Myspace page, more or less. Not trying to be a permanent pessimist, but currently I'm increasingly frustrated as I'm having a very irritating eye disease called conjunctivitis - the whole thing involves your eyes turning pinkish red, watery and at times itchy - and as bad as it sounds, it is painfully annoying. It is wide spreading among my friends back in Seri Iskandar, Kamil was one of them, and things turned out that, I was going back home the other day with him. So maybe I got the virus and stuffs through him lah.

But it's ok, I guess (arrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhh).

While some of you may have started to think that the picture above doesn't suit the babblings in the post, well, you're wrong! Or wait, maybe you're right, it's beginning to turn out as subjective, really. It's been awhile since I last put on my pictures here. Er, let's put it as it's been a many, many while. The picture above was taken at a mosque in Kuala Kangsar, adjacent to the MCKK during my last architecture trip. The particular pakcik was resting, looking very casual, at the brisk of Malaysian afternoon behind the mosque's pillars. I don't know exactly how to interpret it, the composition is not very good either, so it's up to you to translate the graphics into thoughts.

(at this point you can sense that yours truly is out of ideas)

I ushered into Ramadan at Seri Iskandar before I returned to Shah Alam on Thursday afternoon, arriving nicely and safely for my first buka puasa for this year with my family. I realised that Ramadan back in Seri Iskandar can be quite fun, in a way, it's happening. But yeah nothing beats observing the month here in this little place called home.

Being in Ramadan, regardless of what solar month it falls in, serenely reminds me of the existence of calmness despite the ravaging reality of life we're living in nowadays. Things are running silently chaotic, while faith physically exists, it is disappearing slowly. I blame nobody as I'm obviously not perfect myself. Knowing the painful truth happening in our society however, makes me wanting to run away to a place safe and blessed.

Then again, people always wanted to run away from problems.

Whatever it is, the once casual Ramadan we know is replaced by the one full of workloads and preparations for final examinations as it moves forward to September, it's the consequences we face by prioritizing Western calendar. Many tarawihs are cut short, congregations lessened as worldly intentions come first. While I'm very sure that I will miss my chance again to go to Makkah this year as submissions and reviews gather towards the end of Ramadan, I don't have to feel aggrieved as it is a clear reality that I must accept.

Being a 21st-century Muslim teenager raised with a mixed secular and religious identity I'm struggling to find the correct identity for myself, one that fits my faithful needs. I have friends that are ultimately liberal, and those who really adhere from the basic tenets to the non-obligatory ones, and I see myself as moderately placed in the middle. In a way, I'm trying to practice my religion and observe it to the best that I could.

I keep reminding myself that, even if I'm in the comfort zone, one that is desirable, I must not forget my roots, and in this context, my faith. I tried my best to observe my daily prayers, joining congregations and understanding the Qur'an, and I will not reject tradition above modernization and sophistication.

In a way, I'm learning. As today should not be the same as yesterday, this year's Ramadan should not be the same as the last year's. That is, this year's Ramadan should be better.

So have a very happy Ramadan ahead of you. No matter how you see it, just don't let it flow away meaninglessly.

(and I hope that my eyes will get better!)

Syukrishairi.
Ramadan 3, 1428AH.