the next flight to firdaus

reprisal.

a nut case trapped in a shell deep,
lights deprived with horizons unknown,
sober fathoming questions,
answers blurred in deceptive shadows.

dirty little fingers creep,
towards uncertain existence,
digging shallow truth,
uncovering disastrous pain unendurable.

path to the stairs, where?
keys to the hidden doors, lost,
gates closed for hearts who did,
a valid pass, are we missing it?

the next flight is a flight eternal,
permanent as the past, non-erasable,
unimaginable yet crucial,
the schedule is set, yet we're losing the battle.

who's holding the right?
who has the right?
who has the right to question the right?
who is right?

a nut case, sane yet confused,
wandering with grilled eyes,
choosing to be ignorant,
while missing his flight.

the next flight is for every man to board,
a chance to ride is the chance to be grabbed,
yet so little hands grasp,
and so little hearts know.

we reap what we sow.
we catch what we throw.
we get what we know.

it's the final call for boarding.
who has the boarding pass anyway?

warm wishes for the season!

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dengan ingatan tulus ikhlas,

maaf zahir dan batin :)

Salam Aidilfitri.

above images were captured on night October 10; from left Qayum making up a moon, Uzair doing a star and the last one both together with Haziq waving '143' - I love you. Moon and star being traditional Raya symbols, while the love message symbolises the spirit of loving and bond-strengthening between family and friends, celebrated throughout the holiday season.

Syukrishairi 2007, all rights reserved.
Images and pictures are of original publication and production, unless stated.

The Raya ambience, my way.

'Where will you celebrate Raya' is quite a popular question (or a pick-up line, depends on the person you're talking to) as the festivities are approaching, anticipated or otherwise. Celebrating Hari Raya in an urban surrounding numerous times before have made me immuned to the expression of sympathy towards myself for celebrating it here in the city, and not at the kampung with all the delightful kampung scenery as TV advertisements suggests. Usually this came from those who without fail, go balik kampung every Raya. Then again, does where you celebrate Raya matters? A lot?

Shah Alam and the rest of the Klang Valley are becoming slowly deserted at the time I'm writing this, and it is unsuprisingly a norm every year as the eve of Hari Raya approaches. And unsuprisingly too, for some, it is a norm for them to celebrate Raya here in the city. I, of course, am one of them.

Having a father working as a pilot may has been a factor to my family's way of celebrating, but it is, for some reason, not the main actual cause. It has been a very good while since we last don't have Ayah absent in our annual Raya potraits anyway (anyhow there will be no potraits if there is no Ayah), with the last one which I fondly remember of, was of 1996, the very Raya my third brother, Itti, was born (hence his Raya-inspired name, Ritzwan Fitri). Other than that Ayah has always been desirably celebrating together with the whole family, the closest to him 'not being able to celebrate Raya together' was having to return from flight on Raya's eve (which is happening this year).

This unavoided situation distinctively leads to a different way of our so-called 'balik kampung' pattern over the recent years. We tend go back to Ipoh on the first day of Raya itself, usually in the afternoon, after visiting Mama's side in Petaling Jaya (this too, contributes to why we don't really have the tendency of having to balik kampung early).

Moreover, on Ayah's side, Opah has been frequently commuting between Ipoh and KL to Ucu's place in Selayang and will usually return temporarily for Raya only a few days before the big day. My other two uncles and Ucu herself are seemingly adapting with this affair, and most of them will also return to Ipoh only on the last-minutes. Opah spends more time in KL than I do nowadays, really.

These left us nothing to be fretted upon having to spend at least the eve and the morning of Hari Raya here in the city. However, back in the old days where Raya fell in the school holidays and those times at the very end of the year, the Valley, especially in Shah Alam (where more than 80% of the population are Malays, go figure) the streets were drastically empty and things went deserted fast. It's a city of ghosts even long before the eve of celebrations. Only on the morning where Eid prayers were conducted there will be people seen (in large numbers), and that included a quite huge numbers of Indons and Banglas.

Things have changed quite a bit, though. As we thronged into the festive season while we are supposed to be preparing for examinations (running or upcoming) at the same time, the holiday period is being harshly shortened. And this all coincided with our parents not getting so much days of leave. Which resulted in an infashionably late deserting of the city, and a quite large amount of people staying back in their homes come Syawal.

So more people and friends are around this year. Which left me lesser things to be whined of. Either way, this Aidilfitri, it will be the same as last year's. Pelita will be light on, and the house will be lit up just like last Raya eve. We'll offer our prayers at the Shah Alam mosque none other, and after that, gather up, sharing light moments as we take our yearly potrait again at our very own living room. Then off to Wan's laksa, before we set off to Manjoi to savour Opah's must-have nasi dagang.

Ramadan bids goodbye as the rays of the new moon shines upon our doorsteps, and Syawal gladly knocks happiness on every believer's hearts. The ambience of Hari Raya is here again as we know it, whether it will be the same recognizable Raya or not depends on every person himself, but surely, it is not a day to be missed.

If we don't celebrate it, who else will?

so, Selamat Hari Raya!

Happy Birthday to Athari who is turning 18 today, and Sabrina whose Raya is falling on her birthday tomorrow. To those well-wishers for my birthday last two days, I thank you so much! and hey, I lost so many contact numbers, I've already got myself a new phone so please hand me your phone numbers (if you think I had yours in my last and lost phone). again, have a nice Raya people. Drive and play mercun safely :)

18?

I feel a lot better now.

&& I got a new phone!

PLEASE GIVE OUT YOUR NUMBER TO ME ALRIGHT! I'VE LOST ALL OF MY CONTACT NUMBERS :/

I wonder what day is today, haha. well it's a long day to go. THANKS for the wishes friends :)

Raya is near, people!

zig-zags, updates - I'm home for Raya!

of the raya mood,

It feels really, really good to be home! Seriously Raya is more alive here than back in Perak, lights and lights everywhere with decorations and flux of people everywhere, it is sweet as it is livelily festive. I just done with my Raya shopping down at BB Plaza & Sg Wang last afternoon, together with Haziq, Uzair, Qayum & Athari, and it was the most underbudget Raya shopping, ever! (as expected). I was given RM200, and at the end of the day, I still have some RM50 left (which is really great for me, achievement within months).

of voyage home,

I returned to Shah Alam by train, all the way from Ipoh. We went out of Seri Iskandar to the Ipoh Train Station starting Friday afternoon right after Asar just to catch the last bus to Medan Kidd while our train, Ekspres Langkawi, arrived at 2.45 am Saturday morning. Of course, it was bloody fun, bloody Raya-ish, bloody nostalgic. There were so many people boarding the train this holiday season, I mean, we expected the train to be empty and all that but no, it's full! We arrived at KL Sentral 6.40 am, and after some delays (including me having to guide Yat to the Masjid Jamek station itself), Ijai, Qayum and I arrived happily at the Shah Alam commuter station at around 9 am. There were many people in the list actually, many parted at KL Sentral to their own destinations. well, voila!

of raya mood (again)

It's Tujuh Likur again, and this year the pelita are back! Last year I didn't light them up out of moodless feeling of Raya due to SPM, but this year the mood is all good (though not that vibrant, I still have finals waiting). I'm bearing in mind that I still don't have a pair of new baju Melayu yet (yes), so, I'm finishing (yeke) my shopping tomorrow.

and yeah, that's all.

wait.

of unlucky phone (and fate),
Just in case any of you didn't know, I just lost my phone, or yet, my phone is stolen. Everything happened back in the college, it was Friday night, well it's just that due to some carelessness and some keen eyes lah kot. It was just not my luck. Currently trying to rescue my SIMcard and number ('rescue' is the correct word, bak kata Haziq, I've tried 'retrieve', 'reclaim' etc etc). It'a a K800i, for those who don't know lah. quite sayang, especially at this time of the year, THIS time of the year (sila rujuk calendar). and dah lah takde phone baru yang best! dah nasib. so just contact me using phone rumah for now. thanks!

and presence.
I'm here until the first day of Raya, as usual. By afternoon first day of Raya, I'll be returning to Ipoh, to my beloved kampung. (see the irony?)

red-eye leave

wishlist for now,

1. speedlight
2. a new tripod
3. a lomo camera
4. a new songket for sampin
5. a new songkok
6. new pair of baju melayu -_-"

I got a 4-day m/c starting from Monday, but I returned to Shah Alam only after my English class on Wednesday, just to find that there was no test as said (I waited until Wednesday just to sit for that freaking test, hoping not to reseat for it). As usual my trip home is marred with many, many assignments to be submitted, drawings to be submitted for my final submission next week and preparations to be made for my final project. I got lines of tests waiting next week - Physics, Economics, English and Arabic and a review for ICT.

*rubs forehead*

well, good news is I'll be able to return home early for Raya (I hope, we hope), which is, a week before Hari Raya itself, which will leave us with a two week break for Raya (it's a study leave, but what the hell). not sure of how I'll be returning home to Shah Alam, though.

it's work for me right now!

it's the holy month again

Of problems, faith, and the inner self.

This post came up due to Syaza's inspiring comment at my Myspace page, more or less. Not trying to be a permanent pessimist, but currently I'm increasingly frustrated as I'm having a very irritating eye disease called conjunctivitis - the whole thing involves your eyes turning pinkish red, watery and at times itchy - and as bad as it sounds, it is painfully annoying. It is wide spreading among my friends back in Seri Iskandar, Kamil was one of them, and things turned out that, I was going back home the other day with him. So maybe I got the virus and stuffs through him lah.

But it's ok, I guess (arrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhh).

While some of you may have started to think that the picture above doesn't suit the babblings in the post, well, you're wrong! Or wait, maybe you're right, it's beginning to turn out as subjective, really. It's been awhile since I last put on my pictures here. Er, let's put it as it's been a many, many while. The picture above was taken at a mosque in Kuala Kangsar, adjacent to the MCKK during my last architecture trip. The particular pakcik was resting, looking very casual, at the brisk of Malaysian afternoon behind the mosque's pillars. I don't know exactly how to interpret it, the composition is not very good either, so it's up to you to translate the graphics into thoughts.

(at this point you can sense that yours truly is out of ideas)

I ushered into Ramadan at Seri Iskandar before I returned to Shah Alam on Thursday afternoon, arriving nicely and safely for my first buka puasa for this year with my family. I realised that Ramadan back in Seri Iskandar can be quite fun, in a way, it's happening. But yeah nothing beats observing the month here in this little place called home.

Being in Ramadan, regardless of what solar month it falls in, serenely reminds me of the existence of calmness despite the ravaging reality of life we're living in nowadays. Things are running silently chaotic, while faith physically exists, it is disappearing slowly. I blame nobody as I'm obviously not perfect myself. Knowing the painful truth happening in our society however, makes me wanting to run away to a place safe and blessed.

Then again, people always wanted to run away from problems.

Whatever it is, the once casual Ramadan we know is replaced by the one full of workloads and preparations for final examinations as it moves forward to September, it's the consequences we face by prioritizing Western calendar. Many tarawihs are cut short, congregations lessened as worldly intentions come first. While I'm very sure that I will miss my chance again to go to Makkah this year as submissions and reviews gather towards the end of Ramadan, I don't have to feel aggrieved as it is a clear reality that I must accept.

Being a 21st-century Muslim teenager raised with a mixed secular and religious identity I'm struggling to find the correct identity for myself, one that fits my faithful needs. I have friends that are ultimately liberal, and those who really adhere from the basic tenets to the non-obligatory ones, and I see myself as moderately placed in the middle. In a way, I'm trying to practice my religion and observe it to the best that I could.

I keep reminding myself that, even if I'm in the comfort zone, one that is desirable, I must not forget my roots, and in this context, my faith. I tried my best to observe my daily prayers, joining congregations and understanding the Qur'an, and I will not reject tradition above modernization and sophistication.

In a way, I'm learning. As today should not be the same as yesterday, this year's Ramadan should not be the same as the last year's. That is, this year's Ramadan should be better.

So have a very happy Ramadan ahead of you. No matter how you see it, just don't let it flow away meaninglessly.

(and I hope that my eyes will get better!)

Syukrishairi.
Ramadan 3, 1428AH.

the rush!

I can see really, really big and heavy workloads coming.

whatever.

so, I'm away again! the Merdeka offdays was chaotic, it was mixed up but my last two days here at home for sure made me feel better. sep! for the next to be better, I guess I just need all the positive thinking.

for all who posted comments and messages on my myspace and friendster, whom I do not give a reply (heh wtf, slanted language), do bear in mind that I care, really. time pressures, sorry! ;(

see you this Ramadan. I hope for the best for my next coming home trip. :)

chao, and may peace be upon all of us.