And Another Maghrib Came By

"Truly, those who believe and do good works, the Compassionate will grant them love." -- God

It's a recent world of uncanny tablighs, exaggerated nights and always mind-boggling relationships, alongside unthinkable coincidences and hefty ironies. Questions budded, from inside leaked exam questions to the many tables of Murni, and remained unanswered even if they have entered the sidewalks of Bangsar, remained lingering without confirmed points as I passed through tollgates of highways.

Another shisha puffed. I wondered -- again and again -- how amazing it is, when I got to know more and more about my best friends in my present life, it'll lead me back to my life (read: the people) in the past. I see everything about it as a very psychotic overlapping, a life-changing path-crossing. As I let the waters flow down my head during the long showers, I pondered, lurked. About how different could things be if I haven't been there, chosen that.

From the rainy evenings and late nights at R&Rs, to the comforts of the cool lights of Starbucks and striking Pelita lights, I wondered greatly about how God makes things work in many ways. Cliche? Nah, I don't think so. I sighed that in the end everybody seems to know each other -- for better or worse, they occupy both of my lives -- and I looked at my close friends here in Shah Alam studying at other places, and I funnily asked myself: why didn't this occur to them?

I gave up speeding. I discovered that no points are gained with loud radio volumes with all-the-same songs with insane DJs while speeding with a non-performing national car. Highways, roads, streets and alleys -- along with their names and acronyms -- invade my life as if they're really important as I trot in between cities and neighborhoods. In the drives, there were the same conversations with rarely the life-changing ones together with messages I don't want to reply, and calls I have to repeat my 'hello's coping with my phone that's rotting away.

I feel guilty as I spoke of unfamiliar names. I feel guilty of my wild thoughts about the very person who I'm trying to trust but at times -- many times -- makes me feel washed away like an unwanted piece of laundry. My thoughts are often misplaced like my laptop, cameras, keys and important documents. It makes my mind sore, thinking of things once alien but now commonplace. How they roam my head makes me heal exhausted breaths.

I don't call cigarettes and tobaccos as my friends. I do call my camera a friend, though, I have to send the sick parts of it somewhere. Maybe everybody needs a non-human friend at times, because you don't really have to laugh at them. Humans, on the other hand, I enjoy laughing at. I enjoy laughing or at least smirking cynically jumping to pages and blogs, reading stuffs that people write. Some of them think that I think that they matter in my life. Some of them think that I will feel aggrieved and agitated of what they thought of my life. Some of them think I care about them. Some of them think that I have the time to think that they mattered to me.

No, sayang. You don't matter. I believe in respecting others' thoughts. Sadly, I don't believe in respecting rubbish. No, not anymore.

Nobody is exorbitant when they know what to do in their life. Stop farting in your dreamland, will you? Fart in the real world, where even the smelliest of farts can be the most desirable. It's about taking chances and opportunities to fart. You missed them, you lose and the fart will accumulate in your body, exploding itself in vain. You want that, huh?

Another shisha puffed. Another Maghrib falls. One advice: please realise that we're all leading double lives, just in case you didn't notice that. Some of us pretends to be sober. Some of us pretends to be straight. Some of us pretends to be devout. Some of us pretends to be all-knowing.

Who we are, and what have we become... become yet another set of questions to be asked as I swipe my Touch'n'Go with insufficient amount, hoping for a refreshed balanced the next time I gaze the ATM screen. And there goes another journey.

Truly, those who believe and do good works, the Compassionate will grant them love. And I hope You know that I know, that my love is always unrequited.

Posted in Shah Alam, listening to South Jordan - Fatal Flaw. PHOTO road leading to Parit, Seri Iskandar. October 10, 2008. Qur'an 19:96 excerpt translated by Reza-Shah Kazemi, from My Mercy Encompasses All: The Koran's Teachings on Compassion, Peace and Love. 2007.